Distributing Responsibility (Or How to Let Your Kids Grow-up)

I’ve been thinking a lot about parenting this summer.  Perhaps it is because David is hitting another milestone:  going to high school.  Whatever the reason, it has been on my mind.

It’s My Pity Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

This phrase has been running though my head the last several days.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I rarely have pity parties (although they seem to be more common lately).  Saturday, well, I had a BIG party.

Substitute Teaching

I just wanted to write a quick post and let everyone know that I started substitute teaching this week.  I have 4 different jobs for this week – totaling 5 days.  Very busy, very tired, but happy.

Friday night is Marching Band Night at the High School and I’ve volunteered to chaperone.  Saturday, Michael has 2 soccer games.  One is 10-11 and the other is 11-12 and then we are going to the Rapids game with his team – a tailgating.  Should be a great weekend, but really busy.

So much for easing into things.  I will continue to blog, as I am able – hopefully a couple of times a week.

Asking Politely

This week, I did some shopping.  I guess that is no different than any other week, but this week I took some time and asked some questions.

I went to Target.  I had my shopping list (and my shopping list deals from CouponMom and BargainBlessings ) and my coupons.  I knew what bargains there were to be had, and I knew what coupons I had.  I did fairly well.  I found a couple of deals that I didn’t know about.  I spoke with a woman who stopped me in the store and asked how long I spent couponing each week and how much I saved.  But, Target was out of one item.  It was an item that I had 2 paper coupons and a mobile coupon for.  It was also on sale.  It was the Velveeta Skillet Meals.  If I remember correctly, I would have gotten the product for about $0.60.  Which would have been a great deal and was probably why they were out of stock.

I paid for my groceries and the cashier rang up my coupons.  I was pleased with how much I spent/saved.  Then I walked over to the customer service desk.  I waited in line and when it was my turn, I asked the Customer Service person about when they expected to get the item in.  At first she looked at me like I was nuts.  I explained to her that I had coupons for the item and showed her the Target mobile coupon on my phone.  She saw my coupon box (which is quite large) and asked when the coupon expired.  The mobile coupon expired in 5 days.  The paper coupons expired at the end of the month.  But the deal, the item being on sale and being able to use a Target coupon and a manufacturer coupon would not be valid after the 5 days.  So, I wouldn’t be able to double my savings.  I just wanted to know if she knew when they would get more in or if they could give me a rain check.  She explained that they didn’t know when the item would arrive and that she couldn’t give me a rain check for a coupon.  I thanked her.  Then, she asked me to wait for a moment.  She unlocked a drawer and handed me 2 coupons.  They were Target coupons thanking me for understanding that they inconvenienced me and they were for $3 each.  Wow!  $6 off next time I go into Target. My manufacturer coupons totaled $2 and the mobile coupon was $0.40.  So a $3 off coupon from Target would have been sufficient.  But I was polite and I didn’t ask for anything except for her to tell me when the product would be in.  I smiled at her.  It didn’t cost me anything except for a few extra minutes, but the payback was huge.

I also went to buy a new carpet cleaner (see post Doing the Job Right).  I had done some research and found that the cleaner that I wanted was at Wal-Mart.  They didn’t have it at Target.  So, off I went.  I found the one I wanted, but the box was open.  There wasn’t another one.  I looked at it and it looked like something was missing.  I considered getting the non-pet model.  I actually walked away and came back to the aisle.  I looked at it again.  And I went in search of a manager.  When I found one, I told him that the item I wanted to purchase was opened and that it was the only one on the shelf.  I asked if they might have another one somewhere.  He asked me to show him, so we walked to the item.  He looked at the open box and asked if there was a reason I didn’t want that one.  I told him that it looked to me like it was missing some parts, but it was hard to tell.  He assured me that all the parts should be there and that most likely it was returned and that the staff checked it before they put it out on the shelf.  He then asked if I would purchase the carpet cleaner if he gave me a discount.

Wow.   He told me that what would happen would be that the product would sit on his shelf and that people wouldn’t buy it for the same reason as me (the box was open) and he would give me a discount if I bought it.  Ok, I know that Bissell stands behind their products and if there was something wrong with it, I would have no problems with Bissell.  I confirmed with the manager that I would be able to return it if there was a problem.  He gave me $15 off the carpet cleaner.  The original price was $167, so not quite 10%.  I should have asked for $20 or 15%, but I took my $15.

When I put the carpet cleaner together, it was missing a part.  It was one of the attachments.  The pet stain attachment.  No biggie.  I called Bissell (on the box it tells you not to return the product to the store).  They are sending me a new attachment.  It should be here in a few days.

Chris would tell you that I complain too much.  But honestly, I have softened in my middle age.  I ask questions and wait for responses.  I complain when things aren’t as expected (bad service, etc).  We work too hard for our money to pay for things that aren’t as they are supposed to be.  But asking non-confrontational questions seems to be the way to go.  It doesn’t always pay off, but this week it did.

And it works in other areas of my life.  At one of Michael’s soccer games, the referee wasn’t calling a kid for illegal throw ins.  Well, she was and letting him do it again.  For 5th/6th grade soccer the kids should know better.  And this kid was a good player.  Each time he would throw the ball in, he would do it illegally.  She would call him back and let him do it again.  I couldn’t figure out why.  So, I asked her about the illegal throw-ins and how he was doing it.  They were specific questions (how many steps past where the ball went out could he take to throw it in, am I correct in thinking that both arms need to be straight, etc).  They were to ensure that I understood and I told her that.  She explained that for the first 2 games of the season the referees “instructed” the kids.  Meaning if they made a mistake, if it worked, they were allowed to try again.  This is a recreational league, so that makes sense.  After the first 2 games, the referees would continue to “instruct,” but the kids didn’t get the “do-over.”  I can accept that.  But I asked her, how many times does a kid get to be “instructed” when it appears that he is trying to get away with “cheating.”  The boy who continued to throw the ball in illegally, took many steps past the spot where the ball went out of bounds.  He did it over and over again and he was a good enough player (skill-wise) that he should have known better.  She apologized and told me that she should have been watching more closely.  She said that she would make sure that he followed the rules in the future.  I can’t ask for anything else.

Indoor Recreational Soccer

I have to admit that indoor soccer is much more exciting than outdoor soccer.  In indoor soccer, there is no out-of-bounds (unless the ball hits the nets above the field) and the ball is played off the walls.  In fact, the better players use the wall as part of their strategy.  Michael has been playing recreational soccer for the last 4 years:  two outdoor seasons and two indoor seasons every year.

Michael in the yellow.

Soccer is a good sport for Michael, it moves quickly and there is a lot of strategy  involved.  This season (summer indoor) he was playing 5th/6th co-ed.  Most of the boys (there was only one girl on their team), Michael had played with before.  We found a coach that we really like and Michael has been playing with him for almost 2 years.  The hiccup is that the coach’s son is a grade ahead of Michael – so, we’ve been playing Michael up.  What that means is that even though Michael is a 5th grader, he has played 5th/6th grade soccer for the last year.  Honestly, playing up shouldn’t be a big deal.  Michael is smaller than a lot of the kids, but he is only 6 weeks or so younger than some of them because his birthday is in October.

The last 2 years, Michael has had to work very hard to “catch-up” with some of the other soccer players.  Michael started playing when he was in 1st grade and we moved to Colorado, while many of his peers have been playing since they were mini-mites (3-4 year-olds).  Also, Michael is somewhat small for his age and he has a slight build.  This makes him very fast, but he can be intimidated by some of the kids that are bigger than he is (he is sometimes afraid that they will accidentally hurt him).

During the last 4 seasons Michael has not scored a goal.  He has assisted, but not scored himself.  Some of this is due to the fact that Michael prefers to play defense.  It is also because Michael hasn’t kicked the ball hard enough or has kicked it right at the goalie.  However, this indoor season, things changed.  Michael scored a goal in a practice scrimmage against another team and then scored goals in 3 different games.  It has been really exciting to watch.

Michael with the ball.

The kids have played GREAT soccer.  They have worked on passing and setting up plays.  They have made sure that they have followed the ball after they’ve shot at the goal and made a number of goals with that second shot.  They won most of their games.  And all the games they won, they won by a lot.  In fact, during one game, the referee told the kids to stop scoring goals.  Since this is recreational soccer when one team is beating the other by more than 4 goals, the losing team gets to add 1 player to the field so that they are playing 8 on 7.  I don’t have a problem with that.  The kids are supposed to be having fun and it is no fun to lose by a lot.  The kids on Michael’s team were winning by 10 points.  They were taking their time and passing the ball and really working as a team.  And they were scoring goals – this is when the referee told them to stop.  But what were they supposed to do?  Not shoot?  How is that playing soccer?  The strong players were working to make sure that everyone on their team got to shoot (and try to score), they weren’t aggressively going to score.  And a lot of the kids who had never scored a goal, scored during this game.  It wasn’t the same kid scoring over and over again.

I guess my problem stems from the fact that Michael’s indoor team, last season, lost every single game.  And they weren’t even close.  They would lose 15-0.  The kids play 20 minute halves – so in 40 minutes the other team scored 15 goals (or more in some games).  It was very frustrating to watch.  The difference was that the other teams were made up of kids from “club” teams.  Club teams around here practice several times a week during the fall and spring.  There are the “super-star” players who score the majority of the goals.  Rather than emphasising skills, these teams focus on the competition.  I believe in competition, but if a sport is supposed to be recreational then it is unfair to have competitive teams come in and play.  And last indoor season, it was horribly unfair.  The kids were just deflated when they walked off the field.  It was so difficult to watch as a parent.

It is interesting to note that  a lot of the kids that were on that losing team, were on this winning team.  The majority of the kids that lost during the last indoor season, were the winners this indoor season.  But this time there were no competitive teams that came to play – perhaps there were some individual players who played competitive soccer, but they didn’t come over as entire teams.  This time it was fair and they kids really learned to play SOCCER (not how to deal with constant defeat).

All in all, I love that Michael loves soccer.  Although I won’t be saying that when it is cold and I am sitting outside bundled up.

Freezing at one of Michael's outdoor games in the Spring of 2011.

Michael and His Hair

Last year at around this time, Michael (who was almost 10) decided that he wanted to grow his hair long.  Personally, I don’t have a problem with boys who have long hair.  If this is the only thing that he does to his appearance, I will be lucky!  My only rule was that his hair had to be neat and clean.

Why Michael wanted long hair is a mystery.  He decided he wanted to grow his hair long after we saw Grant Harris of Breathe Electric at Van’s Warped Tour in Denver (you can find Breathe Electric at http://www.myspace.com/breatheelectric).  So maybe that was the reason.  Or maybe it was because a number of Colorado Rapids players have long hair.  As Michael puts it, “you’ll never know.”

Michael has beautiful hair.  It is somewhat thin, but he has lots of it.  The coloring, well as someone who wished for blond hair as a kid, is something that many people spend lots of money to have done regularly.  However, keeping his hair neat and clean has been an issue.  He doesn’t condition it well and combing and brushing it was difficult because of all the knots.  It has only gotten worse this summer.  And it was long.  In fact, I’ve been growing my hair out and Michael’s was longer than mine.

Today I had it with Michael’s hair.  He had an indoor soccer game and needed to be at the field at 12:45.  At 11:00 I told Michael he had to get in the shower and wash his hair because it was a mess.  He also needed to get his uniform on and get something to eat before his game.  At 11:30 I reminded Michael that he had an hour until we left.  Then, I got in the shower.  By the time I got out, Michael was in.  He claims he washed (and conditioned his hair), but it was a rat’s nest when I tried to comb it out for him at 12:10.  Combing out Michael’s hair is a chore that often ends with him angry with me.  Even with leave-in conditioner, the tangles are stuck in tight.  No matter how gently I try to comb them out, I end up pulling his hair.  He gets angry and we fight.  Not a whole lot of fun.

With us having to leave in 15 minutes, I decided that he needed to get back in the tub so I could wash and condition his hair and then comb it out.  Overall, he did pretty well.  We got it combed out and he put on his shin guards, socks and cleats in the car.  While we were driving to the field, I told Michael that I was done with his hair.  He needed to choose and either he would learn to take care of it and do so without an argument, or he could get his hair cut.  It was his decision, although if he didn’t start taking care of it, I would decide and he would get it cut.  Michael decided that he was going to get it cut.  He wanted to go after his soccer game so that he could get it over with.  I had no problem with that.

Michael is playing soccer on a recreational co-ed 5th/6th grade team.  They don’t practice for indoor soccer and play games every Saturday for 8 weeks.  Indoor soccer is a fast paced game and often quite exciting even though the kids are still learning.  Michael, who will be starting 5th grade in a few weeks, is really showing a lot of improvement in his skills.  He’s always had good ball sense, but he is getting everything together.  Two weeks ago he scored his first goal in this league (he didn’t score any goals when he played 3rd/4th and we played him up so he has played 5th/6th for a year already).  Of course, we want to encourage Michael’s awesome offense and I told him that he could have frozen yogurt if he scored a goal today and $10 if he scored two.   And I didn’t lose my train of thought – this does relate to Michael’s hair.  Keep reading.

Michael scored a goal in today’s game.  And after he assists or scores a goal, he does the professional soccer player victory run.  Imagine his arms up like a “V” and his long blond hair flying behind him.  Then he runs at his closest teammate and gives them a “high 5.”  I think that he has this part down pat.  One of the other parents then said, “Michael scored a goal and now all that is left is him getting his hair cut.”  I’m not really sure what the two have to do with each other but he was shocked when I told him that we were going after the game. The other parent asked if I was making Michael get his hair cut.  No, I explained, it was Michael’s choice.  He was somewhat disappointed, as Michael’s hair made him look like the ultimate soccer player.

Now, even with Michael’s hair being down to his shoulder blades, he has not really been mistaken for a girl.  Maybe 1-2 times over the past year.  Today, of all days, just before getting his hair cut, he was called a girl three times.  The first time was when he was getting a drink at Subway.  An older lady was confused and couldn’t find the water button at the soda machine and he helped.  She stopped me on her way out and asked me if  “that was my daughter.”  Then at the salon, an older man asked about it being a special occasion for her (meaning Michael).  And finally, an elderly lady at the salon asked if “she was always like that when getting her hair cut.”

Michael didn’t get a buzz cut, but it is really short.  He looks very handsome and I love his haircut.  Honestly, though I’m going to miss combing out his hair and playing with it.  But don’t tell Michael.